things i have learned at the mall.

seeing as this blog is in its infancy, i shall post something that i wrote a couple years ago. (yeah, i don't really know how that logic works either.) i wrote it for my english class my junior year of high school. hope you like it.



Thanks to a most enlightening visit to the mall, I have decided to compile a list of fascinating things I learned there, both life lessons, and . . . well . . . not life lessons.

1. Shopping is one of the most tiring chores known to humanity. I don't fancy it very much.

2. While your little brother is half an hour at that one glasses place getting his frames fixed, a fun place to rest is by the fountain. Sitting there is almost like watching a parade; you see lots of interesting things pass by.

3. While you're sitting there, watching the parade, you see patterns developing. For example, when you see a flirty group of teenagers tromp by, five minutes later, you see the miniaturized version of the same thing in ten year olds.

4. You find that though there are various fashions that gross you out, others are pretty funny. Sometimes, when you see a well-groomed young man saunter past with his t-shirt emblazoned with the American Eagle symbol, you'll see a middle-aged man with that same eagle tattooed into his shoulder.

5. While you're pondering his tattoo, you begin to notice that a lot of people have tattoos and then you begin to wonder about the whole idea of tattoos.

6. Sometimes when you're entrenched in thought like that, you discover that thoughts are easily interrupted by the sight of a little boy on a leash and you wonder if he's had his rabies shot yet.

7. While you're deciding whether to laugh or cry about the little boy, you often notice the great amount of coins in the fountain and you wonder how many are tossed in each day and how many are wished upon. Then your little sister decides that would be a great place to find change when you want a gumball.

8. When you're sitting on hard fountain marble, backsides tend to go numb. This is a good time to get up and walk around.

9. While you're walking around, you wonder why stores were named what they were. Victoria's Secret for example. That Victoria doesn't have any secrets. Or Shea's Clothing. Did Shea die and now his clothes are for sale? And that spelling of Shea is masculine. Why are they selling girl clothes?

10. My father is easily embarrassed. Heh heh...

11. My fourteen year old little sister doesn't know how to respond when complete strangers hit on her. She's certain they were hitting on me, but um . . . I'm not.

12. Walking through the men's cologne section makes me go weak in the knees.

13. According to my dad, I'm not allowed to buy underwear anywhere in the mall. I can only buy it at the Distribution Center.

14. They don't sell root beer in vending machines.

15. You always see somebody you know when you look embarassing.

16. Finally, after all this madness, I realize that the only reason worth going to the mall is those big soft pretzels.



boredom buster of the day: go somewhere and just watch people. it's unbelievably amusing.